My spouse told me to save money when I was pregnant since I “won’t be able to work” after the birth. This is the subsequent events.
My partner urged me to save money during my pregnancy because she would not be able to work once our child is born.
At six months along, balancing cravings, swollen feet, and a full-time job, I anticipated love and support. But from my attractive hubby, what did I receive? A piggy bank included a letter advising me to “SAVE UP” for maternity leave. Who do you think will have a rude awakening?
I mean, being pregnant is meant to be a joyful time, right? Happiness, anticipation, and the irreplaceable glow of a baby bulge. Let me warn you, though, that might also happen if your significant other abruptly ceases to exist. My sweet Dan threw me a curveball that would have made a saint wince. My name is Regina, and I am thirty-five years old. I thought I had a good understanding of life.
“Hello, dear!” As I waddled in the front door, my six-month-pregnant belly leading the way, I heard Dan yell. “How did you find your work?”
With a moan, I removed my shoes. As comfortable as a whale curled up on an office chair on the beach. However, I was successful.
Dan looked down at the grocery bag I was carrying, chuckling. “What were you given?”
I pulled out a flowing pregnant dress and stated, “A dress that doesn’t make me feel like a sausage in casing.” This is really cozy! Perfect—just what I need to comfortably breathe and squeeze my expanding belly.
His eyebrows jumped straight up. “Whoa, frivolous spender! My dear, you best keep an eye on that cash.
I chuckled, assuming he was kidding. How foolish I was. 😡
“No, seriously,” he said, maintaining an unusually serious demeanor. “You need to start setting aside money.”
For what reason? Confused, I asked. “The baby stuff? Yes, we have been setting money aside for several months.
Dan shook his head, giving me the feeling that something was missing.
“No, during the time after giving birth, when you won’t have a job. Remember that you will still be paying your share of the costs.
Thinking I had misheard him, I blinked. How come? I’m sorry.
Dan nodded, seemingly to elucidate our meaning regarding the term “wetness of water.” Each time, we divide it equally between us. Just because you are expecting doesn’t mean that should alter. Equitable and just!
Gazing at him, I anticipated something amusing to occur. It did not materialize. 🤷🏻♀️
You do know I’ll be healing from pushing a small human out of my body, right? I stated to Dan. then continuing to provide that person with care? recuperation following childbirth. I take it that you understand the idea?
He gave a shoulder shrug. Yes, but that doesn’t mean our costs will go away instantly. I also swear that I won’t suddenly start making twice as much money. Save money as soon as possible to avoid running out of it.
I had the impression that I was in a strange parallel universe. 😨
Now, allow me to clarify this. Do you expect me to work as hard as I would if I had a full-time job on top of recuperating from childbirth, taking care of our new baby, and taking unpaid maternity leave?
“Exactly that!” Dan smiled, like I had finally realized something important. “Observe? You comprehend.
It was beyond my understanding. Not even close. 😢
I heard Dan moving around the living room that night as my body began to swell and I tossed and turned in an attempt to find a comfortable posture.
My nightstand had a pink porcelain piggy bank with a Post-it note stuck on it when I returned from my fifth midnight restroom break.
Dan wrote, “START SAVING, MOMMY!” on his chicken scratch.
“Dan?” I was so shocked that I sobbed aloud. “What’s this?”
Looking at the door, he smiled as though he had just found a way to end world hunger. Honey, it’s for your savings. You will need to do that.
Then he began to laugh. Really chuckled.
I studied the piggy bank for a while, and then I studied Dan for a while longer. That’s when I made my decision. I’ll play this game with Dan if he wants to. I would also triumph. 😈
In the days that followed, I turned into a human calculator. I painstakingly tracked every dollar I spent and every minute I spent during my pregnancy. Was Dan looking for a fifty/fifty? He would take 50/50, for sure.
I started by making a spreadsheet that I named “The True Cost of Growing a Human.” Which vitamins should I take when pregnant? Verify. maternity attire? Indeed, it is true. I didn’t stop there, though. I regret going farther. 😏
One night, I yelled, “Hey Dan, quick question.” What is the approximate cost of going to the bathroom seventeen times in one night?
Puzzled, he looked up from his phone. “What?”
“I’m just estimating the increase in the water bill,” I responded with a smile. “Oh, and while you’re at it, how much would it cost to carry a bowling ball around in your shirt all day?”
Dan narrowed his gaze. “What are you talking about, Regina?”
I foolishly grinned. Please, just some pregnant math. Put it out of your mind.
As each day passed, my list continued to expand. I budgeted for every expense, from the more obvious ones like hospital visits to the less obvious ones like “hormonal cry session over dog food commercial” and “3 a.m. existential crisis about becoming a parent.”
Finally, after a week of careful observation, I felt ready. My masterpiece, a very thorough pregnant spending invoice, was printed out.
I had the piggy bank next to the invoice and the invoice in front of me at the kitchen table when Dan got home from work.
“Hey, what’s this all about?” he inquired, setting down his briefcase.
I grinned. Okay, just a fast read. Please, could you have a look?
Dan took a seat after picking up the paper. His eyes grew wide as he went down the list.
“Regina… What is this?
That’s your portion of the pregnancy expenses, my dear husband,” I exclaimed, beaming. “We’re splitting everything 50/50 per your request.”
When he saw the amount at the bottom, his mouth fell open. “This isn’t right at all.”
“Well, you’re right 😙,” I answered him. “I think I did a fairly good job. As you can see, “mental distress caused by demands for money from spouse” is included as a line item. It was really costly.
Dan conveyed a remarkable spectrum of emotions in his countenance, including surprise, astonishment, doubt, and finally dawning realization.
“Regina, I… I had no malicious intent.
I extended my hand. You were really direct, oh my. Remember how we divided everything in half? Thus, you have already paid for half of the pregnancy’s expenses. I’ll be watching after everything until the kid arrives, so don’t worry. At 2:00 a.m., diapers are changed. You will pay $20 for each. looking after a child? We’ll discuss it at $50 each session. Every stretch mark also has a beauty tax applied to it by me.
Dan appeared as if he might pass out. “But, but, but…”
“It’s time for you to start saving money,” I remarked, giving the piggy bank a pat. Ultimately, you will require it.
Dan looked at the invoice for a moment, then back at me. Finally, he sighed heavily, dejected.
“Have I really been such a fool?”
I gave a wise nod. “The biggest.”
I strode to our room with the grace of a pregnant penguin, stopping only to give the piggy bank a sarcastic pat. It’s your time to feed the pig now, Dan. It has an insatiable appetite, I promise.
I wasn’t finished, though. Oh no, Dan’s financial awakening is only getting started. 😌
I turned into an amazing pregnant accountant over the course of the following few weeks.
Each and every time you go to the store? precise markings that bring to mind military weaponry. fresh invoices for medical services rendered? Simple and easy, right on Dan’s tab. Was it the baby’s desire to practice river dance on my bladder that caused it to wake me up at three in the morning? Undoubtedly, that was on the list.
Every twinge, every waddle, and every time I had to ask Dan to tie my shoes since I was blind, I would go into a charging mode.
Feeling like I had a bowling ball in my shirt while running errands? And there was a hefty convenience fee associated with that.
With every new figure, Dan’s eyes grew larger. His wallet was squirming in his back pocket, I promise. He was robbing me more quickly than a young, infatuated credit card thief during a Black Friday sale.
When I saw the numbers transcend my ever-increasing waist circumference, Dan finally broke.
One morning, he exclaimed, “Okay, okay!” while putting out his palms in surrender. “I understand. I get it completely.
Then, abruptly, the tide turned. In the ensuing weeks, Dan’s perspective completely changed. 🥳
In addition to accompanying me to doctor’s visits and starting to take better care of the house, he also signed us up for a pregnant yoga class.
Dan cleared his throat one evening when we were sitting on the couch, me with my feet in his lap and him giving me a much-needed foot rub.
With an uncomfortable grimace, he continued, “Regina, I owe you an apology.” a notable one.
I arched an eyebrow. “I’m focusing on this.”
“I became so consumed with the money that I forgot what’s truly important.” Instead of helping you raise our child, I made things more stressful for you. I apologize.
Dull pregnant hormones caused tears to build up in my eyes.
I gave him a handshake. “I want you to know that we’re in this together going forward. In one word, “Enough with the 50/50 crap.”
Does this mean I can throw away the bill?
I gave you a mischievous wink and nodded. “With one caveat.”
“What’s that?”
I smiled. “We can smash that piggy bank together.”
Weeks had passed since he last laughed. “Acquire.”
And so we smashed that enormous lump of pottery into a thousand pieces with great ceremony (and perhaps a little too much excitement). We cleared away the broken plates, but as we swept up the fragments, I couldn’t help but feel like we had removed more.
As he gathered the last of the piggy shards, Dan remarked, “I guess I learned a valuable lesson today.”
“Oh, I see. What is that?
His hand was on my stomach as he drew me in closer. “Never underestimate the value of a pregnant Excel-savvy woman!”
He promised to take responsibility and support the family in the event of the baby’s birth, so I gave in and let him destroy the invoice. I got him to promise in writing that he would pay for everything during my pregnancy.
How about that piggy bank? In our garden, its patched remains serve as a tribute to the moment when Dan came to the realization that marriage and parenthood are about more than just keeping score. It has to do with working as a unit.
