When it comes to romantic partnerships, it is only natural for people to err on sometimes. One thing that I’ve recently become aware of that is really terrifying is? Making a mistake when dating someone for the first time can be really embarrassing. Brand-new relationships are exciting and nerve-wracking in equal measure. On the one hand, you can’t wait to get to know the other person and find out where things go, but on the other hand, you’re secretly frightened that something may go wrong along the road. What makes it different then, when a relationship is only a few weeks old, to make a mistake?
“The biggest difference between making a mistake early in a relationship as opposed to one later is that in a healthy long-term relationship, trust has been established,” says Dr. Jason Whiting, author of Love Me True: Overcoming the Surprising Ways we Deceive in Relationships, in an interview with Bustle. “Trust has been established in a healthy long-term relationship.” “Partners who have been together for a significant amount of time are aware that their significant other always has their back and will never intentionally desert or injure them. Therefore, a mistake made there can be corrected more simply, and the dialogues can typically flow more smoothly.
To put it more simply, making a mistake early on in a relationship is a bad idea because your newish beau does not yet know you well enough to determine if what you do is a one-time slip in judgment or a revealing peek of your genuine behavior. This is why making a mistake early on in a relationship is a bad idea. When you’ve just invested a small amount of time in a relationship, some people may find it easier to cut and run rather than try to work things out, despite the fact that some people are more forgiving early on in a relationship and that some people might be more forgiving early on in a relationship.
“Usually, early mistakes are misunderstandings because the couple is still getting to know each other,” adds Whiting. Because they do not have a long-term relationship with one another, they do not know each other’s sense of humor, background, or communication style. As a result, they are more inclined to make hasty judgments. However, there is a significant gap between insignificant slip-ups or misunderstandings and more significant warning signs that one must keep an eye out for in a new romantic connection. When your partner exhibits controlling or manipulative behavior, intense jealousy, or a need to always have the final word in a disagreement, these are all possible indications that your partner is toxic.
The following is a list of seven frequent errors that can occur in the early stages of a relationship. If you and your partner are open and communicative with one another, you should be able to work through most of these issues and keep your partnership from breaking up too soon.
Mistake 1: Coming On Too Strong
According to relationship expert Anita Chlipala, author of First Comes Us: The Busy Couples’ Guide to Lasting Love, “[Being too available] can backfire in so many different ways,” as quoted by Bustle. “Your date may worry if you genuinely like them or if you’re just eager to get into a relationship with them because of how quickly you want one. There’s some validity to the idea that we covet things that are out of our reach. When a reward is out of reach, it motivates us to work even harder to achieve it. Being overly available or coming on too strong can be a turnoff for someone and might cause them to lose interest in a relationship soon.
The solution is to not be hesitant to start conversations and make plans for dates, but you should keep in mind that independent behavior is essential to maintaining healthy partnerships. What is the most effective technique to ensure that you are both on the same page? Make use of your words, and have a conversation with your partner about the frequency with which you both desire to see one another. Regardless of whether this occurs once a week or every other day, the only thing that truly matters is that you and your partner are on the same page regarding your expectations; in this manner, neither of you will feel overwhelmed or let down.
Mistake 2: Being Dismissive
As the talented singer Lorde once eloquently crooned, “It’s a new art form showing people how little we care.” Anyone who has dabbled in the dark seas of online dating can certainly relate to the sentiments expressed in those lyrics all too well. As was stated earlier, there is a balance between being too available early on in a relationship and being too quick to cut someone off. Despite this, it is essential to not be too quick to cut someone off.
Chlipala notes that she frequently encounters people who have the mindset that they should “just know” right away if there is a connection with another person. There are times when this is not the case. It is necessary to go on a number of dates, which can often last for several weeks, in order to determine whether or not you are compatible with another person. Do not disregard a person simply because your initial reaction to them is negative.
The solution is to be aware that relationships aren’t always an instant spark, contrary to what we might imagine from watching television and movies, and to avoid ignoring the things that are absolute deal-breakers for you. If you’re on the fence about going on a date after hearing that the first one was “mediocre,” you should just give it a go since it could lead to a wonderful second date.
Mistake 3: Oversharing
When it comes to oversharing, I’m absolutely guilty of committing the offense more than once. Even while it’s vital to be open and honest in a new relationship, that doesn’t mean you have to spill the beans about all of your deepest, darkest secrets on the very first date with your new partner. According to Chlipala, “the information you begin to acquire about someone is blown out of proportion when you first meet them.” Because you don’t have much to go on at the beginning of the date, the actions your date makes or the information they provide you will have a greater impact on you. When you’ve been in a relationship with someone for a longer period of time, you become more familiar with their habits and idiosyncrasies because you’ve spent more time with them.
The Solution: When you are getting to know someone new, you should give yourself permission to be vulnerable if the time is right, but you shouldn’t rush into having talks that are more in-depth or revealing too soon. If you say something inadvertently that you later realize might be a little intense, all you have to do is own up to what you said and express that you’re feeling insecure about how much you shared. The way in which your partner responds will reveal a great deal about how understanding they are (or are not).
Mistake 4: Being Defensive
When you are just beginning to open up to someone new, it is possible that you will be quick to defend yourself if your partner challenges something that you do or say. However, taking a defensive stance is counterproductive. It is essential that both of you be willing to consider the viewpoint of the other and are able to discuss the topic in a level-headed manner. Chlipala is quoted as saying, “It’s better to own up to your actions without having to defend them,” and I couldn’t agree more. If a person does not respect you or if they are a hypocrite, it is in your best interest to cut ties with them.
The solution is to acquire the ability to talk without becoming defensive. It is essential to create a foundation of mutual respect, particularly at the beginning of a new relationship. This ensures that even when there are differences of opinion, neither person feels as though they are being evaluated or attacked by their spouse.
Mistake 5: Posting Excessively On Social Media
I completely understand the want to brag about a new significant other to everyone else in the globe. The guy I’m seeing, in addition to being lovely in general, has such a chiseled jaw that all I want to do is take a selfie with him and make my buddies on Snapchat green with envy. However, the function that social media plays in relationships is a complicated one, and this can be especially problematic in newer partnerships.
“This is way too soon and puts unnecessary pressure on the relationship,” adds Chlipala. “Put the pictures and check-ins on hold until you have an exclusive relationship. Or even if you are exclusive with someone, posting constantly on social media, tagging [them] every time you go out, etc. can add stress to a new relationship.
The Solution: Unless you and your partner are both self-proclaimed social media addicts (in which case, post to your heart’s content), it is better to wait until you and your partner are both well settled in a relationship before taking to the web. This is true even if you and your partner are both self-proclaimed social media junkies. Chlipala recommends waiting a few months before getting too serious with a significant other because “you want to allow some time for infatuation to fade.”
Mistake 6: Doing Too Much, Too Soon
It’s natural to want to go out of your way to be kind to a new partner because you want to demonstrate how much you care about them. This is completely understandable. But if you go out of your way to please a new lover, it may give the appearance that you’re a pushover who is happy to put in a lot of work and get very little in return for it.
Chlipala believes that early on in a relationship, not only do you educate someone how to treat you, but you also create responsibilities in the relationship. The healthy expectation that you and your partner are equals can be established by doing something as straightforward as sharing equally in the responsibility for preparing supper and tidying up afterward.
The Solution: In the beginning stages, you shouldn’t be hesitant to accept assistance and support from your companion. Chlipala advises, “It’s important to let your partner help out, step up, and other things like that.” “Even if you’re just starting out with something tiny, like when your date or new partner is coming over for dinner and asks if you need anything, say yes, even if you don’t really need anything. You can make it a routine for your partner to take on more responsibility, even if it’s just in minor ways.
Mistake 7: Showing Insecurity
One thing that has the potential to become out of control in new relationships? Lack of confidence. When you initially start seeing someone, there is a lot of ambiguity in the situation because you have not yet defined the nature of the relationship between the two of you. This can naturally lead to some uncertainty or uncertainty on either end. It is not fair to project your fears onto a new partner and lash out at them when they have done nothing to deserve it. You should not feel ashamed to talk about any doubts or genuine concerns you might have, but it is not fair to talk about any doubts or legitimate concerns you might have.
The solution is to do an honest assessment of yourself and make an effort to identify the source of the insecurity you are experiencing. Have you ever been the victim of infidelity? Has your spouse ever shown themselves to be unreliable in the past? You shouldn’t let feelings of jealously or insecurity dictate how you behave toward your relationship. Instead, you should address the issue that’s generating it, whether it’s something you need to work on on your own or something that your partner can help you with.
“It is actually beneficial to experience some mistakes in an early relationship because they provide some realistic tests for the couple,” adds Whiting. “It is because these mistakes provide some realistic tests for the couple.” “Are they able to talk with one another and work things out, or does one of them, or both of them, resort to name-calling and petty arguments? Is there supposed to be an apology? These are some of the most important signs of a healthy relationship, and since difficulties are inevitable in any relationship, it is important to evaluate whether or not the one in question is resilient and adaptable.
Therefore, if you recently started seeing someone and the two of you have run into a few of minor obstacles, keep in mind that the ability to successfully work through mistakes together is an essential skill that all healthy couples must eventually develop. Instead of losing up and tossing away a good thing when you make a mistake, look at it as an opportunity to grow as a pair together and make it into something better.
