Even if you and your partner are a match in 101 other ways, it is still possible for you to have different financial goals. It’s okay if not everyone is an expert with money. However, persistent issues can swiftly strain your relationship and possibly presage future issues. How severe is too severe, and how many problems are too numerous? Fortunately, there are methods for learning this information, and you can do it without paying a detective.
Couples are capable of engaging in “financial infidelity,” according to Tina B. Tessina, PhD (often known as “Dr. Romance”), a psychologist and the author of How to be Happy Partners: Working it out Together.” According to her, this occurs when “they haven’t established good communication, they’re trying to avoid conflict, or they are out of control and don’t want to admit it,” according to Bustle.
According to Tessina, persistent money issues can be a symptom that your partner doesn’t value you and lacks self control. Even if the majority of people don’t treat it seriously, she claims that it can be just as destructive as adultery of the sexual sort. The sooner you begin to recognize these relationship money red signals, the better. Here are some of them.
1.They Keep Where Their Money Goes Secret
Perhaps you discover one or more receipts for purchases your significant other made, and when you bring it up they become hostile. You wouldn’t care normally, but the two of you are saving money for a significant vacation, and this purchase made a dent in the fund.
It’s less of an issue that your partner spent money without telling you and more of a problem that they stole money from a joint savings account and then lied about it, as neither of those actions is good for the future.
According to Tessina, unrestrained spending, lying, and hiding finances can ruin a relationship, therefore this is a problem you should address, perhaps by going to counseling jointly.
2.They Lie to You About Their Debt
The fact that so many people are in debt from student loans is not an issue in and of itself. If your partner downplays or lies about having debt, especially if you intend to get married and the debt will then become yours, it should raise warning flags.
The debt and the lying then become the problem, according to Tessina, and it may even be an indication that your partner is in denial. She advises getting relationship counseling in this case in order to start paying off the debt and save your marriage.
3.They Are Having Credit Card Issues
Another example: I know someone whose partner developed a credit card addiction to the point where their children’s requirements, including school supplies, began to be subordinated to her compulsive buying behavior. Unless she chopped up all of her credit cards and sought financial advice, he threatened to divorce her.
Be aware that it’s a slippery slope if you find yourself in a circumstance similar to this one. Tessina advises that in order to address the underlying causes of your partner’s excessive spending, you may want to suggest that they seek money management advice or visit a therapist before things spiral out of control any further.
4.They struggle to keep to a budget.
While your partner might not have received the same financial education as you did, it’s possible. Find a time to talk about money and see whether it’s something you can work on together if they are clearly unable to keep to a budget.
Although it may be challenging at first, Brianna McGurran, a student loans and personal finance expert at NerdWallet, tells Bustle that “supporting each other while building a budget could help you reach your financial goals faster, and can even bring you closer together.”
Make a 50/30/20 budget as a place to start. It recommends allocating no more than 50% of your post-tax income to essentials, no more than 30% to wants, and at least 20% to savings and debt repayment, according to McGurran. “If that seems difficult right now, start by making small changes, like negotiating a lower cable bill.”
5.They are tardy with their bill payments.
Even while everyone makes mistakes and runs into financial difficulties occasionally, you should pay attention if your partner frequently pays their bills late, especially if they don’t appear to notice or care.
If you share a home, this should raise even more red flags because it not only affects your finances but also demonstrates that your partner isn’t thinking about you or how their bad habits effect the relationship.
6.They Have No Investments Or Savings
Do they become anxious when you discuss “401(k)” to your significant other? Or even worse, inquire as to what that means. It’s cause for concern if they don’t even discuss investments or have any savings at all.
According to McGurran, if you have any future plans to live together or purchase a home, their incompetence or lack of motivation to save money may have an impact on you. So, discuss developing better money management skills with them. For example, suggest that they deposit some of their earnings into a savings account or ask their employer about 401(k) contributions.
7.They Possess Poor Credit
When you inquire about your partner’s credit score, does your partner wince or change the subject? Even though having poor credit by itself need not be a deal-breaker, you may want to take this one more seriously if your partner has several other financial red flags.
“[It] could affect you if one day you want to rent a place or buy a house together and your partner’s poor credit holds you back,” adds McGurran. Therefore, you could want to recommend a strategy to support their debt repayment and start improving their credit score. You can, after all, work through your financial issues together.
8.They frequently borrow money from others.
Once more, it’s OK if someone finds themselves in a difficult situation and needs to ask for money in order to get out of it. But if your partner isn’t also making an attempt to enhance their situation, perhaps by finding a better career, they shouldn’t frequently borrow money from friends and relatives.
According to Zoe Coetzee, an internal relationship psychologist and dating expert for EliteSingles, borrowing small amounts of money frequently and failing to repay it can show a certain lack of responsibility and dependence on others when it comes to money. This can lead to bigger problems and serious debt, she tells Bustle. “In relationships, financial boundaries should be respected, and persistently crossing them is a sign of a problem.”
9.They attempt to manage your finances.
On the other hand, you can be in a relationship with a money-wise person who enjoys giving you financial advise about what you should and shouldn’t do with your money. But it can quickly start to be harmful.
According to Coetzee, your partner should never exercise authority over you through money. Controlling your access to money or information on your shared finances is a red flag in a relationship, according to experts. Don’t take this lightly; it could be an indication of financial abuse if they deny you access to credit cards, give you a “allowance,” or claim you aren’t permitted to work.
10.They will never want to discuss money.
Of course, you are aware of the fact that “communication is key,” whether it be in regards to a relationship, a problem at work, or, in this instance, money. Consider it a warning indication if your significant other ever withdraws when you bring up money.
Tessina advises carrying on with your attempts to discuss money with your partner in this situation. She advises continuing your financial conversations regardless of how well or poorly your finances are doing at any one time. “The more often you talk about your finances, the easier the conversations will be, and the more likely it is that you will make wise financial decisions.”
Hopefully, they’ll be able to communicate more openly with you in the future, which will improve your financial situation. But if they don’t, it can be a sign that they’re keeping something from you, aren’t financially responsible, or aren’t taking your relationship seriously.
11.Their Financial Values Are Disparate from Yours
Maybe you’ve attempted to communicate with your partner about money, how you individually spend and save it, but it hasn’t worked. Don’t dismiss continuing financial disputes that have persisted for years, even though creating a budget can take some time.
As a matter of fact, “if a couple has different spending habits and values, this can be a relationship dealbreaker,” according to Coetzee. If a couple has different financial perspectives and values, it may be challenging for them to agree on lifestyle and daily costs, especially if they live together. Additionally, you might not be able to fix it.
It’s crucial to watch out for financial red flags and address them as soon as possible because money problems can lead to significant rifts in relationships. The difficulties mentioned above will make it easier to start up a conversation regarding money. Because it’s preferable to worry about money and financial issues with your partner less.
